MASKING & UNMASKING
Masking isn’t simply pretending to be someone you’re not. It’s learning, often from a very young age, which parts of yourself feel safest to hide. For some people, it’s forcing eye contact. Smiling when you’re overwhelmed. Rehearsing conversations before they happen. Laughing because everyone else laughed. Staying quiet. Speaking more. Speaking less. Monitoring your face, your voice, your body.
For others, masking has less to do with neurodivergence and more to do with survival. Growing up in environments where authenticity wasn’t safe. Learning to anticipate other people’s emotions before noticing your own. Becoming who everyone else needed you to be.
Eventually, masking can become so familiar that it’s difficult to tell where adaptation ends and identity begins.
Many people come to therapy saying, “I don’t even know who I am anymore.”
They’re not necessarily looking for a new identity. They’re looking for the one that became buried beneath years of trying to stay safe.
Unmasking isn’t about throwing away every coping strategy overnight. Some forms of masking have protected you. Some may still be necessary.
Therapy isn’t about judging the ways you’ve survived. It’s about helping you notice when you have more choices than you once did.
As a neuroqueer therapist, I don’t believe authenticity has to be earned. Together, we can explore what helps your nervous system feel safe enough to experiment with being more fully yourself—at a pace that feels sustainable.
Sometimes therapy isn’t about becoming someone new. It’s about meeting the person you were before survival started making all your decisions.
Whether your masking is connected to ADHD, autism, trauma, queerness, gender identity, or years of trying to fit into environments that weren’t built for you, you deserve spaces where you don’t have to perform belonging to receive it.
If you’re looking for masking and unmasking therapy in Seattle or anywhere in Washington through telehealth, I’d be honored to see if we’re a good fit.
frequently asked questions
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Masking is the conscious or unconscious process of hiding, changing, or suppressing parts of yourself in order to fit expectations, avoid rejection, or increase safety. It is commonly discussed in autism and ADHD, but many trauma survivors and LGBTQIA+ individuals describe similar experiences.
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Not necessarily. Many masking strategies developed for important reasons. Therapy isn’t about removing every coping strategy. It’s about helping you recognize when you have the freedom to choose rather than feeling like you must perform to belong.
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Yes. Therapy can help you better understand your nervous system, recognize patterns of masking, reconnect with your values and identity, and build relationships where authenticity feels safer.
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Absolutely. Many LGBTQIA+ people have learned to hide aspects of themselves to stay safe, just as many neurodivergent people have learned to camouflage their differences. While these experiences aren’t the same, they often intersect. Therapy can become a place where every part of who you are is welcome.
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Yes. I provide secure online therapy for adults throughout Washington State.
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We’ll spend about 15 minutes talking about what brings you to therapy, what you’re hoping for, and whether we seem like a good fit. If it feels like a good match, we’ll talk about next steps.